Yelling or hitting might not help and could make things worse, like the teenager running away or hurting themselves. Beating them could even lead to tragedy.
What you need to know
Bosco was a student in high school. He was stubborn and well known around the school by students, teachers, cooks and even cleaners. He skipped morning study sessions, argued with teachers, sneaked electronic gadgets into school and got into relationships. Bosco was the master of mischief.
One evening, a security guard caught him swimming alone in the school pool while everyone else was in class. When asked why, Bosco cheekily replied, “It was a hot evening and I wanted to cool off.” The school warned him repeatedly and sometimes suspended him.
After one suspension, his mother came to pick him up and asked the head teacher to call an emergency assembly. With a stern face, she stood on the platform and shared how her son had made her life difficult. “This boy gives me headaches, even at home,” she said as Bosco knelt before the students. “I try to guide him, but he never listens.” She then gave him 20 lashes in front of the shocked students before taking him home.
Bosco’s story is not unique. Many parents experience the challenges of raising teenagers. Teens may question authority, talk back, refuse chores, associate with risky peer groups or make choices that deeply worry their families.
Understanding the teenage years
Teenagers are not entirely at fault for the turmoil that can accompany adolescence. From approximately 12 to 18 years, young people move from childhood towards adulthood while undergoing significant physical, emotional and social changes.
This period aligns with Erik Erikson’s stage of identity versus role confusion. Teenagers explore who they are, seek independence and test boundaries. What appears to be rebellion can be part of developing a stable identity and learning to make independent decisions.
However, not every teenager adapts well. Some experience role confusion, develop a negative self-image, become excessively rebellious or withdraw completely. Intense peer pressure, family conflict, neglect, bullying, bereavement, trauma, anxiety or depression can make this period more difficult.
When these challenges are not addressed, a teenager may turn to substance use, self-harm, delinquency or isolation as harmful ways of coping.
Respond with calm, not humiliation
Open conversations and counselling initiated by parents can help families navigate these demanding but important years. When a teenager makes a serious mistake, stay calm. Avoid rushing to judge, publicly shame or punish them. Yelling and physical violence can intensify conflict, damage trust and expose the young person to further emotional harm.
Adolescence is a temporary stage, but persistent distress or harmful behaviour should not be dismissed. Seek professional support early when warning signs appear.
Support that can help
Helpful options include cognitive behavioural therapy to strengthen coping skills, family therapy to improve communication and resolve conflict, and individual counselling to address identity struggles or emotional distress.
Families may also consider school-based interventions, trusted relatives, youth support groups or specialised rehabilitation where substance use is involved. With patience, understanding and the right support, most teenagers can navigate adolescence successfully and emerge stronger.