They say love comes when you least expect it, but in my thirties I realised the real secret: love arrives when you finally stop panicking and start being present. It shows up when you begin loving yourself and truly knowing your value.
Imagine meeting the love of your life unexpectedly. My husband and I came from opposite sides of the world, but we connected instantly, like old friends, even though we had never met. If I had not been mentally and spiritually present, I might have missed him completely.
As women, we sometimes exhaust ourselves travelling everywhere in search of a God-given partner. We dress up for every wedding, office party and church service. There is nothing wrong with being intentional, as long as you are not hunting out of hunger. When you are hungry, you may accept anything—even crumbs.
Characters in the dating jungle
The “Good Morning” crew
They ask, “How was your night?” every day at exactly 8:00 AM, as though your night changes shifts, yet they never actually ask you out on a date.
The “movie and chill” seeker
He is always offering free food and a movie at his place. The location has no clear map pin and the taxi stops behind someone’s fence in a place even Google Maps struggles to find. He says he only wants company, but his intentions may be hidden behind the remote.
The ghosting experts
They are masters of the blue tick. They disappear for weeks, only to return and reply to your WhatsApp status the moment you share a lovely photograph.
The church men with skeletons
They speak in Bible verses and call every woman “Sister,” but their past could form a congregation of its own. They are also searching for a God-given partner, but unless they have seen you in a dream as their future wife, you may stand no chance.
The one-date wonders
They take you out once and then behave as though they have given your single life its purpose. They expect permanent gratitude for one evening of their time.
Your life is not a waiting room
Chasing unsuitable relationships can harm mental wellbeing. It creates dating burnout and leaves people feeling as if they are going in circles. You may be successful and independent yet exhausted by disappointment and tired of using achievement as a shield.
You may become the “Senior Auntie” to everyone’s children—a role you genuinely love, but one that should not feel like a consolation prize society gives you because you have not settled down. You may master the response, “God’s time is the best,” while privately wishing the pressure would stop.
Here is the truth: your success is not a distraction, and your life while single is not a waiting room. It is a complete and valuable life in its own right.
Love yourself through the wait
We need to shut out society’s pressure and noise. Not every person is “the one,” and some relationships were never meant to become permanent. It is perfectly acceptable to be single and intentional about what you want in a partner.
It is okay to wait—and even better to appreciate the wait. It is okay to believe in love while accepting imperfection. Whether your happily-ever-after or journey to motherhood begins at 40 or beyond, there is no expiration date on a life well lived.
The most important thing is to love yourself fiercely while you are single, because the world—and the people in it—often learn how to treat you from how you treat yourself.
This article was adapted from Monalisa Okwenye’s original blog. Visit Mindspace Uganda.